Psychology

Ways to Stop Defensive Behavior



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How can you stop being so defensive? Being defensive is actually a good thing sometimes, and every so often you have to be able to stand up for yourself. However, if you are always responding defensively to a question, or always feel like people are after you, you might be a little bit paranoid. There are a couple of keys to not being so defensive all the time, and to start remembering what it was like to enjoy being around people again.

The first thing is to just remember that not everyone is perfect. One of the reasons that I think some people get defensive is because they think that they either are perfect, or they need to be perfect to succeed. Neither is a correct assessment of what you bring to the table, or as a measure of success. When people point out flaws in your game, you need to take it either as someone trying to help you, or just as advice. Don't be too upset about it, just take it as someone giving an opinion.

People tend to get defensive when they think that others don't like them, or that they are being sabotaged. Just keep in mind that most people neither have the time or ability to really undermine you. In reality they are probably just giving you advice, or maybe they are just trying to get in your head. If you are thinking about your comeback already, you probably let them get in your head. When someone says that they are going to get you, do you really think they have the time to really come after you?

Sometimes you just have to develop a sense of humor about things in life. When people say that you walk funny, or your hair is too long, just roll with it. Don't take it as a personal offense, just laugh it off, and keep on going. I can't stand people who can dish out the insults, but can't take it the second that someone makes fun of them for something. People are going to say things about you, and sometimes it is just to test you. If you can take the first insult, they might not come back at you with anything more.

Just relax! Enjoy your life, and realize that it is neither easy, nor perfect. We all go through ups and downs, and people are always going to try to get under your skin. Are you really going to get down on yourself because one person said something bad about you, or insulted your mother? Chances are it was just a joke, or some other playful jab at you. Don't worry about it, life is too short to just let every insult get your irritated.

Don't be so defensive about things in life. Just learn to laugh, have fun, and enjoy your life. It is too short to waste being upset, or in a shell because you can't take a joke, or roll with the punches. Don't let others define you, and don't think you have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. It is OK to not be perfect, just learn to live with the fact that no one is perfect.

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More about this author: Cody Hodge

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