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Technology for the Future

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"Technology for the Future"
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Food Transmuter:

It looks like a microwave but even better! Simply punch in what you want to eat on the keypad, and voila! It's hot, tasty, and ready to eat! Whether it's spaghetti, steak, pizza, or just an egg sandwich, whatever your taste buds crave is ready in less than five minutes. No more going to the grocery store or the fast-food drive through. Operates on refillable carbo-protein-sucrose packets delivered directly to your door!

Massively Multiplayer Job Game:

You never have to really go to work again! Earn money at home with the latest MMJG. With MMJG technology, your role-playing game actually performs a profitable function in society. And you get paid for it! All credits show up in your PayPal account every week! Hunting for trolls in the Elfin Forest? You're actually tracing a customer's FedEx shipment. Picking your way through a magician's maze? You're actually running a plant manufacturing cell-phones in China. Acquiring and trading armor and weapons? You're actually... well, uh acquiring and trading armor and weapons but without the danger!

The Virtual Girl Friend/Boy Friend:

Are real relationships getting you down? Just can't seem to find that perfect someone? Well, then, just design your own boy friend or girl friend. She looks like a like a brick outhouse and never complains. He is always attentive to your every mood and need. Includes the software and the full VR body suit that makes your fantasies come true. Requires a multi-year contract with an early termination fee equivalent to the price of a house.

Medical Blueprint:

Your Medical Blueprint is a colony of your own living cells maintained in ideal laboratory conditions, ready for when you need them. Is the old liver going from too many Jello shots? No problem. With the proper instructions, your Medical Blueprint grows a new liver that is actually yours, and ready for implantation when you need it. Many other body parts available. Call for a catalog!

Self-Cleaning Ionizing Carpet:

Never vacuum again! All those little bits of things that land on your carpet are drawn deep into the ionizing mat below, where the ionization process actually generates electricity to run your home, and keeps the air smelling fresher!

The Global Warming Prevention Package:

Order all of the remarkable new technologies already described and receive FREE the Global Warming Prevention Package. In addition to all the fossil fuels you save by never having to leave your house, and reducing the need for growing real crops, we'll send you absolutely free the Wrist Energy Battery and the Motion Energy Mattress.

The Wrist Energy Battery captures all those otherwise wasted wrist motions during those all-night WOW campaigns and converts the kinetic energy into enough electrical energy to run your computer, DVD player, TV AND your Ipod for a full day. (Other repetitive wrist motions can increase the energy generated enough to power New York City for 5 minutes!)

The Motion Energy Mattress converts all that early-morning tossing and turning into electrical energy, too. You can actually watch your electric meter turn backwards!

(Disclaimer: If you've purchased the Virtual Girl Friend / Boy Friend, your savings may be less.)

Act now and the future can be yours! Limited time offer. Call now!

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