Signs that Earth was Visited by Ancient Astronauts

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 “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.”

Carl Sagan  “COSMOS”

 1. Despite the incredible weight of knowledge to the contrary, G. Gordon Liddy was not the badge man hiding beyond the stockade fence on the Dallas grassy knoll in November 1963.

2. Despite Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s twice removed, fourth cousin’s, sworn affidavit that she overheard an albino midget telling a Hell’s Angel about the man in the trench coat with a face full of black soot,  meeting the ex-wife of Judge Crater’s brother, President Obama was not flying the third airplane that crashed into the World Trade Center.  (Perhaps it was Speaker’s Pelosi’ssecond cousin four times removed, it is difficult keeping San Francisco cousins straight).

3. Despite a plethora of unanswered questions about eerie stone phenomena around the world, there is no extraordinary evidence that ancient aliens built the Egyptian pyramids, erected Stonehenge, or carved the Peruvian Nasca lines.

            By co-incidence, I was reading Damian Thompson’s, Book “Counterknowledge” on the same night The History Channel chose to run their two-hour ‘Ancient Aliens’ documentary(?).

After decades in the Mother-Wheel orbiting the Earth photographing the Nasca lines, Swiss writer Erich von Daniken has again descended to re-enlighten the human masses on visits of ancient alien.  (Herr von Daniken originally published “Chariots of the Gods?”, in 1968).

Graham Hancock, author of “Fingerprints of the Gods” is equally convinced a technological civilization existed thousands of years before the rise of Egypt.

These books contains so much proof of aliens and ancients, I will cite Tiwanakuin modern-day Bolivia, as typical.

You can believe a pre-Incan people built a stone city 13,000 feet up in the Bolivian mountains, and later abandoned it as Lake Titicaca receded. Or you can believe Herr von Daniken’sromantic tale of extraterrestrialgiants dropping in from a nearby star system and cutting impossibly exact stone slabs using tools made of an unknown super material. Or you can believe Hancock’s explanation of a race of giants who moved the huge stones by simply speaking to them.

Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, Publisher of Legendary Times Magazine and Consulting Producer for 'Ancient Aliens’, joined the before mentioned von Daniken, making truly extraordinary claims, while offering quite un-extraordinary evidence. Mr. Tsoukalos states since HE does not believe the Egyptians could have built the Great Pyramid at Giza in 20 years, WE must conclude they had alien help.   Mr. Hancock states since HE believes the pyramids are full of anomalies and numerous impossible engineering feats, WE must conclude they had ancient help.

Touché, Sires, my apologies but I draw NO such conclusions

 Mr. Hancock commits 40-some pages of “Fingerprints”, to what he calls the mathematics of the precessional code. His research concludes the ancient civilization encoded, (so-called), Osiris numbers -12, 30, 72, and 360 into the myths of many cultures. Hancock carefully explains: 72 is the pre-eminent number, to which is often added 36 equaling 108; it is permissible to multiply 108 by 100 to get 10,800; or divide it by 2 to get 36; etc., etc.  The mathematics are extremely complex, befitting an ancient mathematician, or a modern quack author.

Another ‘Ancient Aliens’ contributor drew what he called the longest circles of latitude and longitude around the earth. Mysteriously, the two circles intersected “almost precisely” at Giza, which supposedly, represents the exact center of the Earth’s land mass.   Unless traditional geometry has been supplanted by an advanced alien version, the longest circle of latitude around a sphere, (like the Earth), would be at its equator, not at 19.60 of latitude. Even if the geometry were correct, should there not be another center of mass on the spot where the circles intersected diametrically opposed to Giza. Perhaps, this contributor cut eighth-grade geometry.

  Maybe, I’m being overly critical of ‘Ancient Aliens’, after all it is only a television show.

However, the television show was on The History Channel, not the Sci-Fi Channel. Mr. Webster defines history as “a continuum of records occurring in succession leading from the past to the present”.  

Nowhere in that definition do I find words like speculation, theory, or wild guess.

 Unfortunately, fiction presented as possible history does not end with von Daniken’s Nasca alien runways. 

I do not mean to specifically defame Dan Brown, or his “Da Vinci Code” novel; actually I envy the success of a novel poorly written even by the loose standards of the mass marketed paperback. I have read Mr. Brown’s prior works, and concede his writing has progressed, while his history has regressed in direct proportion.  The “Da VinciCode” is loaded with Brown’s version of ‘historical’ events that ‘could have happened,’ but in fact did not happen.

Despite the extraordinary claims appearing in the long-lost, lately-found ‘Les Dossiers Secrets’, neither Leonardo da Vinci nor Isaac Newtown belonged to the Priory of Sion. In fact, the Priory itself is the fanciful creation of French conman, Pierre Plantard, and written in the 1950’s.

Where is the extraordinary, or even ordinary, evidence supporting the extraordinary claims of Jesus marrying Mary Magdalene and founding the Merovingian line of French Nobility, - Brown’s “Sangreal” dynasty which has survived unbroken across a hundred generations, spanning two millennia.

    Dr. Damian Thompson coined the term ‘counterknowledge’ in his book by the same name. Dr. Thompson exposes and debunks fields of endeavor particularly susceptible to counterknowledge. While discussing numerous pseudo-sciences, Dr. Thompson makes his strongest case against complementary and alternate medicine, (CAM). CAM includes Craniolsacral Therapy, Homeopathy, Aromatherapy, Reflexology, Detox-Diets, and a host of others X-therapies and X-ologies. Despite having no or at best minimal scientific validity, various CAMs are taught alongside conventional medicine in schools as prestigious as Harvard and Columbia.

Obviously not all counterknowledge is wrongly equal.

Believing in ancient aliens, or disappeared civilizations, does no harm, unless you are a student trying to pass History 101 or Astronomy 102.

Likewise, stating extraterrestrials or long extinct ancients aided the Egyptians in building the pyramids is harmless, unless you are teaching History 101 or Astronomy 102.

 Invariably, counterknowledgeand pseudo-history comes wrapped in opaque layers of conspiracy, written in secret codes, spoken in alien tongues, and broadcast on previously unknown electromagnetic frequencies. 

Only the select few who have cracked the codes, (using a cereal box decoder ring perhaps?), translated the tongues, or received the wee hour short-wave radio signals, can be privy to the true secrets.

Once in possession of the secrets, the holder’s calling in life becomes disseminating the secrets to the ignorant, unenlightened masses, yearning to be educated.

Knowledge holders quickly become purveyors, oozing from unctuous late night infomercials, streaming unfiltered from glitzy web sites, or airing on paranoid talk shows hosted by pandering, snake-oil carnival barkers. “Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, now for a limited time, and a limited time only, for the amazingly low price of only $99.99, plus $19.99 shipping and handling, you can be blessed with unlimited wealth, eternal good health, or everlasting good fortunate. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry”.

Therefore, today I am announcing formation of  (Invisible) Tverskaya University, dedicated to studies of conspiracies, counterknowledge, and pseudo-history. 

(Invisible) Tverskaya will be awarding HpD, (Doctor of Hocus Pocus), Degrees in political and world domination conspiracies, economic misinformation, alien visitation pseudo-history, and pseudo-scientific counterknowledge.  A few extraordinary students will be selected to write the ultimate post-HpD theses on conspiracy conspiracies.

Leading figures from the counterknowledge universe will lecture at (Invisible) Tverskaya, with English as the second and third languages.

At no extra charge, all students will be invited to a lunch-hour series of special guest conspiracy speakers. 

In November, the realDallas grassy knoll badge-man will revealthe eighthand ninth shots fired from a low flying spacecraft, actually killed President Kennedy. 

Following badge–man, intergalactic traveler ¥233 will explain how he/she/it knows the pyramids are nothing more than graffiti left behind by a rival galaxy gangbanger. 

Ignobel Prize and Oscar-Mayer winner, P.T. Algore was invited to not moderate a non-debate on manmade global warming and missing polar bears.  Mr. Algore’s office regretfully informs (Invisible) Tverskaya, his schedule is quite busy for the next decade, or until melting polar icecaps end the world as we know it, whichever should occur first.

In February as a Valentine to all students, the self-proclaimed, world-famous, book-reviewer and complementary and alternate medicine guru, Deirfniw Harpo will be here.  Ms. Harpo will parse the following homeopathic prescription, which purportedly cures any and every medical malady, ailment, or condition.

Stir the mixture well, Lest it prove inferior.

Then put half a drop into Lake Superior.

Every other day, drink a drop of the water.

You’ll be better soon, Or at least you oughter.

       (RX Written by): Dr.I.M.Anonymous,HpD

Until now, I have been poking fun at the conspiracy, counterknowledge, and pseudo-history crowd.

Now, I am serious. 

Conspiracies, counterknowledge, pseudo-history and their brethren pseudo-science and medical quackery, do pose a clear and present danger to society. 

The History Channel broadcasting ‘Ancient Aliens’, bookstores and public libraries shelving Erich von Danikenin the nonfiction section alongside legitimate scientific works, infers a credibility totally absent in their actual content.

In full disclosure, I do not believe life on earth is a onetime cosmic accident. Note my use of the word believe; I have the precisely the same amount of hard scientific evidence to support my belief, as von Daniken has to support the alien astronaut claim. However, I believe logic and sound reasoning is on my side.

And unlike von Daniken, I have no underlying financial motive propping up my believe.

In 1961, Cornell Astronomer Frank Drake devised the equation bearing his name. Drake’sequation estimates the number of civilizations in our galaxy by assuming a probability for factors required for life to develop into a technological civilization. Anyone can assign probability figures to the individual components, and calculate your personal estimate).

However, if one extraterrestrial civilization exists, it becomes increasing probable there are thousands and perhaps millions.

You may believe alien creatures from multiple civilizations visit the earth every other Thursday, in even numbered months, having three full moons. You may believe film of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walking on our moon is the lead story on a distant planet version of ‘Ancient Aliens’ or CNN.

Regardless of what you may believe, you know, (and what von Daniken, and Tsoukaloscannot refute), is our closest extraterrestrial neighbor lives 4.37 light-years, about 25 trillion miles, away.  In order to deliver their cosmic Welcome Wagon basket of advanced knowledge, either they have proven Einstein wrong by exceeding the speed of light; or they left home thousands of years before the pyramids rose from the Giza plateau.

Obviously, applying human logic or earthy natural laws to an alien civilization is fraught with danger, and is perhaps the very definition of idiocy. However, several broad assumptions are reasonable:

1. Any civilization capable of traversing distances measured in light-years, would surely have spacecraft fabricated from materials more exotic than stone.

2. If interstellar travelers assisted in building the Giza pyramids, why would they neglect Earth’s abundant, and easily exploitable, deposits of iron, magnesium, or titanium, in favor of quarrying stone blocks?

3. If the pyramids contain advanced universal knowledge, why would they risk losing it by carving millions of crude, perishable stone blocks.

4. If aliens intended the pyramids to be navigational homing beacons, why hide the exacting mathematics in problematic geometric relationships. Consider, the impact of a navigational error of just 0.000001% extrapolated over 25 trillion miles.

Legitimate science relies on the wisdom of Occam’srazor: “When presented with two or more possible solutions, always choose the simplest solution.”

Which is the simpler solution: interstellar aliens traveling trillions of miles, or humans building ramps, and cutting and dragging large stone blocks?

I leave it to you to decide.

Regardless of your decision, I am bidding fond farewell to ancient aliens. 

“Scotty, beam me up to another field of pseudo-science.”

In 2003, Australian television producer, Rhonda Byrne, parlayed an early 20th century failed, get-rich-quick scheme into a lucrative 21st century cottage industry aptly named The Secret. No less, and no more, a celebrated personage than Oprah Winfrey openly endorsed this blatant quackery. The Secretclaims all things good, or bad, result from the universe matching situations with an individual’s thoughts and imagination.  Ms Byrne, Winfrey, do not explain the exact mechanism.

The Secret’s recipe for eternal happiness stirs a pinch of oral folklore, a tablespoon of religion, a cup of quantum physics, and a warehouse of gullibility, into a witches cauldron to brew an indecipherable mulligan stew of hocus pocus. (Dr. Thompson summarizes The Secret as a conveyor belt of presents from Heaven).

 Despitebeing THE Secret, the witches ladle out and serve up The Secret in a variety of flavors. Apparently, The Sedona Method is this month’s preferred flavor, or perhaps Sedona pays the highest per-click fee to appear at the top of the search engines.

“Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, for the low price of just $388.77, master The Secret’slaw of universal attraction, and you can launch your own conveyor belt directly from Santa Claus”.

How is The Secret’s promise of an endless conveyor belt from heaven, different from an endless stream of free entitlements from Socialism? (The answer: the conveyor belt from heaven may actually work).   

The Secret, CAMs, and medical quackery prey on the very people desperate for a miraculous cure from a medically incurable fatal disease.  

New Age Ponzi schemes, even those channeled from old age Ponzi schemes, do pay off; so long as you are Ponzi, and not one of the Ponzied.

Ancient alien counterknowledge affects individuals or at worse small groups, in mostly innocuous ways.

CAM and medical quackery spread by television talking heads, or the internet, can and do affect larger groups, and in potentially fatal ways.

Pseudo-science when allowed to go unchallenged can and does affect society at large. Of the current crop of pseudo-science, manmade global warming,(MGW), is  the most pervasive and insidious. 

MGWchampioned by Vice President Al Gore and his seemingly omnipresent but unscientific PowerPoint slide show, alerts everyone to a terrifying crisis that may, or may not, be occurring as I write.  Despite the Vice President’s self-righteous bluster, global warming and manmade global warming are not one issue. 

Global warming is a statistic; manmade global warming is a political agenda.

The severity of the threat posed by global warming looks rather benign when represented with real data; conversely it looks quite dire when represented with slick PowerPoint slides.

Using published, I cite three rather un-extraordinary statistics:

1. Over the most recent 10-year span, 1998– 2007, the data shows exactly a 0.01 Degree C increase.

2. In the nine year over year periods from 1998 to 2007, the average global temperature dropped five times, and increased four times. 

3. Even taking the long view, over the last 125 years, the average global temperature has increased 0.9 Degree C.

Determining if global warming is real is difficult. Determining how much of the 0.01 Degree C global warming is manmade, is impossible.

Vice President Gore’s political agenda, conveniently ignores the inconvenient truth of facts, and  looks only at the shaky, anecdotal evidence of calving ice shelves, retreating glaciers, and disappearing polar bears.

 MGW has earned the Vice President a celebrity befitting a rock star, not to mention a considerable personalfortune, (more profit that prophet). Numerous groups have suggested the Vice President cash-out just a small portion of his celebrity fortune and address serious, real energy issues facing the United States and the World.

Vice President Gore, use your bully pulpit for some of the good you profess to represent.

Vice President Gore, spend minutes discussing the issue of mandatory power buy-backs by utility commissions, rather than hours predicting the apocalyptic end of polar bears in our lifetime.

Vice President Gore, sound the true alarm that the United States has not built a new oil refinery in over twenty years, rather than the false alarm about Miami and all South Florida, being under one inch, one foot, or one yard of water, next month, next year, or next   century.

What MGW has not earned the Vice President is credibility with the scientific community.  He has repeatedly refused formal invitations to openly debate climatologists holding contrasting views. His reasons for not debating include, too busy, out of town, or  subject of MGW is no longer debatable.

Why refuse an opportunity to permanently silence some of the critics of MGW?

Perhaps, the Vice President believes in the counterknowledge of ancient aliens, CAM, and The Secret, or perhaps not.

Perhaps, the Vice President knows manmade global warming is pseudo-science, or perhaps not.

I close with my opening line.

“Extraordinary claims, require extraordinary evidence.”

Carl Sagan


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