Am I a verbal, physical or emotional abuser? Do I have to decide? To have to make comment on this loaded question after having considered writing about an article on the truth is a little unsettling.(The following is not about me, but what, knowing me, but for the grace of God, I would have been)
I would like to say I am not an abuser. I will say it, I am not an abuser of persons. However, others may decide differently. They do not have access to my innermost thoughts and my desire not to harm any human being. What they do have access to is their own thoughts and how my words, my actions and my general way of acting, and my supposed insinuations interact with their interpretations of what I imply with my words and with my actions and with my attitude.
So, lets get at the truth? In the following paragraphs I will apply the principle of truth as I know it and I will show how, were I either a verbal, physical or emotional abuser, I would act.
A Verbal Abuser:
I will not let others speak for themselves. When they try to tell me of some important happening in their life, I cut them off with some remark such as 'all you do is talk' .Instead of keeping quiet when a glaring fault of theirs is being discussed, I jump in and with my big mouth make it seem larger than it is. I do not miss a chance to belittle them with words and to say derogatory things about them in front of their friends.
When angry with what went on at work I keep quiet and am polite and instead go home and berate my wife, or my husband, or my children. I use my family as a means of getting rid of pent-up emotions and truths about myself I cannot face. I am such a soft-spoken person at work and I keep my associates in stitches with my jokes. Some times I even tell about the silly things my wife did.
When the people at work make me angry, I keep quiet. I go home and pick a fight with my wife. That gives me an excuse to land into her with my criticism. Actually what I am doing is taking all my faults that's trying to make themselves known to me and passing them on to her.
A physical abuser:
There is no denying the fact that am a real jerk. I am so laid up with angry after I have worked hard all day, I cannot control it when I get home. I not only yell and scream nasty insults at any one who gets in my way, but I slap my wife around when she gets too sassy. What do you expect? I have been slaving all day at work and what has she been doing? The least she could have done is to have cleaned the house and to have food on the table.
I over do it, sometimes. I am sorry and I try to make it up to her and she's afraid not to pretend everything is okay. She's a mousy little thing and I know I should not treat her so badly, but will she ever learn? The last time I hit her, I knocked her against the wall so hard I broke her arm. Then I forced her to tell the doctor that she had tripped over the dog. Her mother didn't believe me so I will have to try and do better. Sometimes when her daughter isn't looking, she glares at me. I admit, I am a little afraid of that old broad.
The emotional abuser:
What have I done? I can't go around acting as if every word my husband says is important. He is too sensitive to criticism and his feelings are easily hurt. And boy do I know how to put him in his place. He is a writer and he expects me to care about the silly stuff he writes. I never miss a chance to let him know what I think about an Einstein who sits around and thinks and won't talk.
Once, he overheard me bragging about his writing and he was so pleased and excited. You would think I was an editor or something, What makes me so critical is that when we both were in school together I was far the better writer, but now look at me. I have to teach elementary school and he gets to be a college professor. Just between the two of us, you and me, or me and you, I never seem to know which is right, I am jealous.
Now you decide if I am a real jerk or if I am a writer trying not to be while having sympathy for all the victims of jerks out there?