Psychology

Alternatives to getting Psychological help



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In the first place, if you take my advice, you must be crazy. Why? Because I am crazy. I am also convinced that everyone is crazy. Some of us are just less afraid to admit it, or to show it. That having been said, I obviously utilize alternatives to getting psychological help. Why use a psychiatrist when he is merely better at masking his madness.

Got stress? Get laid. You will get those endorphins going, feel good about yourself, improve your self-confidence, and impress the lady all at the same time. On the other hand, if you are left with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, guilt, shame, or simply can't get it up, try another alternative.

I suggest sky diving. It will get you high, free your spirit, improve your confidence, impress your girlfriend, and you will be surprised how all that kicking and screaming, as you grope desperately for the rip cord, will improve your physical fitness and give you a sense of well being,.... after you find the cord. If you are unable to locate the cord, you will feel better shortly. Trust me on that one.

Painting is wonderful for reliving stress. Look what it did for Van Gogh. He could literally lend you an ear. You can place your dreams, both those realized, and those you have been unable to attain, on canvas, and become a god in your own right, as you create your own personal universe on canvas. You soon learn that the same painting will be applauded, and scorned, loved, and hated, as it is viewed by all the different wackos. Everyone is a critic. You will soon realize that they are all as crazy as you, a great ego booster.

How about trying exercising? Masturbation burns calories. And it makes you feel good. Runners get high, improve their stamina, become too tired to worry, and occasionally slip into unconsciousness, all good stress relievers.

Get together with people who have similar interests and problems. If you are a compulsive fire starter, attend a Burning Man event. You will quickly figure out that you are not the only crazy one there. People running naked, people setting fires, people trying to get laid with various degrees of success. You are not alone!

You belong! You are part of the Universe! And you can be here now, without the help of a crazy professional. They really are, you know.

Try using reverse psychology. Ask your psychiatrist what is troubling him, or her. Sit in his or her chair and let them lie on the couch. That way you can charge them $180 an hour. If they pay you, you can confirm that they are nuts. If you get lucky, they may take off their clothes, and since you are not a professional you can take full advantage of them. If they get violent and there are no restraints available, you can place them in shrink wrap.

If you are paranoid, try caring for a pet. Cat's are excellent. They will convince you that it is normal for people to take advantage of you. Even cats take advantage of you. Hold the door for a cat, and after fifteen minutes or so you will realize that the cat isn't trying to decide anything. The cat is just playing with your head.

Of the psychiatrists I have known, one was a terrorist from Pakistan, one was seducing his boss, and the other was cutting himself with razor blades. Not to worry.
I'll be here for you. You can pay me in installments.

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