Psychology

Taking Control of your Life how to be a Survivor instead of a Victim



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"Taking Control of your Life how to be a Survivor instead of a Victim"
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There are more ways than one to be victimized in life, but for every victim you'll find a survivor inside. What we survive tends to lead to the wisdom we need so that we can make up our minds to be victim free for the rest of our lives. On the other hand, some people choose to be identified by the victim role and it becomes something they own. The process of victimization has a beginning and an end, where survival begins, unless we get stuck within one or more of the steps in the process.






THE VICTIMIZATION PROCESS:






!. Injustice:






To be victimized means an unjust act or occurrence is attached to your identity. Sometimes it seems to come out of nowhere through an accidental happening, but sometimes we can actually attract injustice to us and just because we are too identified with the victim role we own. This can come through abuse or when something is robbed from us. Even a disease can be a subconscious way to remain victimized for life. Believe me, I should know.








If I had a dime for every time I cried, "This isn't fair," I'd be too rich to care. Injustice is a concept that can be misleading, because you see, no one said that life would be fair and square for each and every human being. Still, like all victims tend to do, I'm digressing and moving away from the point, so I'll continue on with the second phase of this victimization process.








2. Denial:








We deny through confusion, delusion and illusions when something that seems unjust happens to us. We cry and sigh and whine, "Why me?" We falsely believe that no other human being has ever experienced such an unjust happening. We feel singled out, as if God picked us out. We deny the role we might have played in the victimization process or we choose to think, "Bad things always happen to me."






On the other end of the victimization spectrum, becoming a victim of a violent crime can actually make us lose our minds. When our view of reality is compromised, we might begin to live in fear of being victimized for our entire lives. We deny the possibility of healing through our new view that God can't exist if I am victimized by something like this.






3. Resentment:






Resentment sets in which is when bitterness begins, which seems to make sense of something unreasonable and unjust. The anger in our minds become a poisonous way to victimize our lives over and over again. If we don't move through the bitterness on time, we remain a victim for life.








4. Repetition:






We repeat, relive and rehash the injustice as a way to validate our identity, value and worth through victimization. We discuss it again and again until it becomes, "My story," which identifies us as being the victim of something. It can be a good thing and help us get through the grieving process too and sharing our story is something all human beings need to do. By telling the story, I give a part of it to you so that I can process it in my mind and hopefully release it in time. Still, if we never know when to let it go, we remain in our victim role. The story never ends and we become victimized again and again.







5. Choosing:






Once our story is told, it's time to choose which of these two things we'll do. We can either let it go or hold onto the victim role and remain victimized for life. It isn't an easy choice to make sometimes, because you see, some of us actually like the comforting feeling that being victimized might bring. It gives some people what they need. The attention we receive is only second to the need to validate our identity. It could be that we believe we are unworthy to move beyond what we have actually survived. Victimization can become a habit we depend upon, unless we are wise and see that since we've survived, we can be anonymously victim free.








HOW TO MOVE BEYOND SURVIVAL TO BECOMING ANONYMOUSLY VICTIM FREE:






1. When something seems unjust:






Remember this: In life, bad things happen to everyone and what happens to you is never due to God choosing you and picking you out of a crowd. Injustice is due to the diversity of humanity and the free will God gave to every human being to choose. "Who do I want to be and why?" Sometimes we come across a bad guy. Now and then we find ourselves in the middle of an accident, a disaster or an occurrence we never imagined. It's just what being a human being is all about and God wants us to use our roles as a way to figure it out and let it go.




Do we choose to be victimized or do we choose to survive and share our story as a way to create a new and improved destiny for humanity? At the same time, we need to remember this fact of life: What all human beings seek is inner peace.






2. What denial hides from us:






Choosing to see only the injustice might keep you stuck within the victimization so long that wisdom never comes from the experience. Grief means we have to cry, sigh and whine for a while, but if we refuse to let go of the grief we hold, how can it ever be released from our soul? Denial can be comforting, but the truth sets us free. The truth is that you are a worthy human being, and as a child of God, you have the right to a happy life, and even in spite of being victimized. Don't allow your mind to believe in a false identity.








3. When resentment turns to toxic bitterness:






It's reasonable to get mad and resent the injustice we experienced, but if we don't know when it's time to let go of angry thoughts and resentful feelings, the toxic effects of bitterness will keep us in the victim role and move into our soul. There will never be peace in a bitter mind. Instead, try to see the gifts in being victimized so that you can move beyond it. Sit your victim role in a chair and say, "Thanks for giving me the experience." Note the word, "forgiving," in that sentence?




Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget anything. It simply means you've given yourself permission to move beyond the bitterness of the experience. Forgiveness is the only way to peace.






4. When your story is said and done:






You'll need to tell your victim story to yourself and someone else. Now and then, you'll tell it again and again, but each time you tell the story you'll need to bring into view and changed and rearranged reality. Don't hold onto the same old story. Paint it with a new and improved positive attitude. If your story doesn't have a happy ending, it won't help you or anyone else to tell it again and again. You'll find in time that no one wants to hear it and no one cares how unfair life has been for you, because you see, life is never fair and square for any human being. Your story needs to be uplifting and your victim role needs to remain in the beginning, but end as a survivor who became anonymously victim free.




5. When to let go of your role:






There will come a time when so much time has passed by, that you begin to feel as if the victim in your story was someone else in another life, so you'll tell the story differently. Your objectivity makes it seem less threatening.. You'll be detached from the injustice and from there, you'll be victim free.






Just remember this:




When your story is said and done, and you don't have another one, you'll begin to see that it isn't fun being a victim. Soon you'll begin to realize that surviving only means that you used to be a victim of people and things, so you'll begin to seek peace by becoming anonymously victim free.






To Conclude:






If you're wondering why I never described how I became a victim of life or how I survived, I'll sum up by concluding with a very brief description of how I finally survived and found peace with the victim I used to be.






My story began as me being a victim of many things, but when the victim role I played became too exhausting, I had to let it go and identify with my survival role. That was fine for a time, but after a while, I made up my mind to also let my survival role and story go. The story was said and done. I didn't have another one, and simply surviving was never meant to be the end of my story. So today, I can honestly say that I'm finally at peace because I chose to be anonymously victim free.

More about this author: Vicki Phipps

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